Two
(This was written a few weeks back (Oct 12th) while on my leave.)As a new parent, I am acutely aware that how I raise my children will affect who they become. And with twins, the question of "who was first?" is imminently hard to avoid. Overall I'm not concerned with who is doing what first. But with twins, it is so acutely obvious when one accomplishes something, it is clear whether or not the other one has only because they are learning the same skills at the same time. I watch daily as they each grow more curious about their surroundings and attempt to learn to negotiate their environment with trials and successes. Each is excelling at their own pace but learning similar things and each has their strengths and skills in certain areas, although this changes day to day: a testament to how each will eventually accomplish all skills needed in development in their own time. At this point in time (I'm sure it will change back and forth), Sweetpea is negotiating the movement realm by attempting rolling and Pumpkin is fine-tuning some killer fine motor skills like pulling his binky out of his mouth and putting it back in.
As a parent, I am making a concerted effort to avoid giving one more attention or more praise than the other or comparing by stating "he or she did this first.." but to phrase it as "she is doing 'x' and he is doing 'y". I now find each one looking at me quizzically (it's possible its all in my imagination at this early an age, but maybe not) when I pick the other one up for something and invariably give lots of hugs, kisses and praise. So I then find myself picking the other one up to bestow upon him/her hugs, kisses and praise as well. I hope to foster a sense that each is equally important and, of course, just use it as more of an excuse to give twice the hugs and kisses. I want to be sure that each knows I love them equally through my actions and words.
As they grow up at the same time, I hope they will not focus on comparing themselves to each other but, instead, discover their own strengths, some the same, some different but each no better than the other. I want them to learn to discover their own path in life, gain confidence in making their own choices and their ability to conquer life's challenges on their own time. I hope they realize that they will get there via only their own hard work and sometimes a little luck, not because the other one has and they also feel entitled to the same success. I hope most of all, that if one reaches his or her goal, they will celebrate their special bond by always celebrating and sharing in each others successes, whether one or the other is first. Because in the end, it's not about who is first but that they both accomplish what they want in life and have someone to share it with when they get there.
posted by Andrea @ 9:07 PM
Comments: 3
